In spaces where people are encouraged to ask questions, one that comes up over and over again is ‘but what does it mean to be genderqueer, or some other nonbinary identity?’ Closely followed by the related ‘but I just don’t get it.’ These two questions follow naturally on each other because they are closely intertwined; people want to know, to understand, to grapple with something that doesn’t make sense to them, and they appeal for some kind of explanation that will make the world stable again. If there’s a narrow meaning that can be assigned to gender and what it means, gender can be safely confined again, as it was before, when the only genders you knew were female and male and everyone kindly identified with one or the other. People long for rules and logic and a metric they can use.